"Turn Back the Hands of Time" Draft 2

Introduction

Last week, I wrote about the 1st draft of an original screenplay I wrote "Turn Back the Hands of Time" and this week I'll write about the 2nd draft in anticipation for writing the 3rd draft once I'm done with my final semester at George Brown College. Since last week I explained where the germ of the idea came from and gave details on the characters I have decided that this week I'll just write about the changes in this draft compared to the first one.  

Changes

There were a lot of changes in this draft some for better and some for worse. I'll start off with better changes.

• The 2nd draft is longer than the 1st going from around 60 pages to 90. Which is great. It allowed for longer scenes and it also allowed to be flesh out the characters.
• I think it was a wise choice to make George a beatnik in this draft. I originally wanted to make him a greaser. But, I think being a beatnik is a great fit for his character. 
• I think giving Herbert, George's father, a bad leg from serving in WW2 was a nice detail that I will expand upon in Draft 3.
• The "Nuclear Nightmare" scene was a great addition as I decided George's motivation to go 1927 being Cold War paranoia which stems from the opening scene. This will be expanded upon in Draft 3.
• I really like the Jail Scene between George and the Professor. Allowed for some nice character building.
• The addition of Victor and Frank having separate bedrooms with the attic having two beds was a nice touch.
• The addition of Amelia's parents finding out George is a smart move as it allowed for them to help in retrieving the time machine in the climax and it also allowed for George's and Amelia's relationship to flourish. 
• I think the final scene was better than the final scene from the 1st draft as having George use the time machine to go back to 1927 to visit the Taylor's was a better idea.

Now, I will talk about the changes that I think aren't so good.

• I think there are a few scenes where the dialogue is a bit clunky, but can be easily ironed out in Draft 3.
• Now that I look back on it, I think Amelia's parents knowing about her date with George was a bad idea since it took away from Amelia's rebellious character which I found so intriguing. In Draft 3, I'll have Amelia sneak out to go on a date with George just like Draft 1. 
• I like how I decided to make George more a self-imposed outsider and a loner where his classmates do want to hang out with him and girls are into him, but George is just a loner by heart and is waiting for that right someone. In Draft 3, I would like to combine this with some of the exterior-forced isolation from Draft 1 as I think it would add to George's character and it fits well with his beatnik persona.
• Adding a scene where Amelia actually explains why she's interested in George was a nice touch, I just find the dialogue to be a bit clunky. But, this will all be ironed out and expanded upon in Draft 3.

Script

Below is a link to the pdf version of Draft 2:

https://drive.google.com/file/d/1H2tIdzvkqyYpd1rAiiv4eKP7Q1cezEPK/view?usp=sharing

Conclusion

I think Draft 2 is a definite step-up from Draft 1, but I still have a long way to go before I write the final draft that will eventually make it to the big screen. For Draft 3 what I started doing was creating a character info sheet where I go through each character and write down every possible detail about that character. Things like age, how they dress, their back story, positives, flaws, hopes and dream so that I know these characters inside and out and become multi-hued 3-dimensional individuals. I believe this will lead to a better script. I will also write Draft 3 and every other script or teleplay in "Final Draft" as that is the industry standard.

Thank you for reading my blog. If you read my script, I hope you had as fun reading it as I did writing it.