"Turn Back the Hands of Time" Draft 1

Introduction

In this blog post, I wanted to talk about the 1st draft of an original screenplay I wrote titled "Turn Back the Hands of Time". My next blog will be about the 2nd draft as I plan to write the 3rd draft and will eventually write a blog post about that. So, how did I come up with a script? Well, when I was starting off as a screenwriter back in high school I actually found the 1st draft of "Back to the Future" online and read it. From there I wrote 3 drafts of "Paradox" which was just a BTTF rip-off. I didn't like them very much. But, in the 4th draft, I started introducing elements that would eventually evolve into "Turn Back the Hands of Time" such as the Mayor being added in, the protagonist being named George rather than Mark, and the 2nd Act having George go around town trying to fix people's lives. I went back to read the 1st draft of "Back to the Future" again and it mentions a song called "Turn Back the Hands of Time" by Eddie Fisher. I gave the song a listen and thus I had a new title and the gears started turning in my head.

Premise

My "Paradox" scripts originally had a teenager from the present day going back 30 years to the 80s. But, since the Eddie Fisher song is from the 50s I instead had a 50s teenager go 30 years back to the 20s. I thought this was a rather novel idea as the 1950s and the 1920s are such similar decades for a few reasons.

• Followed a World War
• Period of post-war economic boom
• These two decades seem to be fondly remembered. 

Since I wanted to write a story about a teen from the 50s going back to the 20s, I had to give him a reason. Since it the 50s, I decided to start the film off with George watching a documentary on the Atomic Bomb testing that was going on at the time. In Drafts 2 and 3, I decided this would become George's primary motivation for going back. In this Draft, George is a bit more selfish and his character does flesh out in later drafts. Since the actual "Turn Back the Hands of Time" song is a love song I decided to give George a love interest for the 2nd Act to flesh out his character and the overall story. I was excited by this decision as I've always to write a romance. Before you read the actual script below, as a writer I like to give my characters meaningful names or base them on real people so I'll give a rundown on the meaning behind the character's names.

• George Wells - Our protagonist. Named George after Rod Taylor's character in the 1960 adaption of "The Time Machine". Starting in Draft 2, I even remark that George even looks like a teenage Rod Taylor.
• Herbert Wells - George's father. If you combine his name with that of his son's, their name becomes Herbert George Wells. A reference to Herbert George Wells a.k.a HG Wells who wrote "The Time Machine".
• Amelia Taylor - George's love interest. The first name comes from Amelia Earhart and her last name means to cut eluding to her rebellious nature as she tries to cut free from her parent's conservative attitudes and assert her independence.
• Professor Victor Titman The inventor of the time machine. I made him a Professor rather than a Doctor because when I hear Doctor I think of medical doctors and of course "the Doctor" from "Doctor Who". He's named Victor like Victor Frankenstein due to his obsessive nature and regret of building the time machine. The last name Titman means "Man" or "Time" in this Victor built a time machine that literally makes him the Victor of Time. 
• Mayor Frank Titman - The Professor's bitter brother. I gave him the name Frank as a contrast to Victor and because he is quite frank about his thoughts and emotions so the name fits. 

Script 

Just like with my "Twilight Zone" teleplays I left the link to the script below:

https://drive.google.com/file/d/1CNuPMRHcb53AQ7n2LpO1yRkIB40fIfIR/view?usp=sharing

Conclusion 

Just like the 1st draft of many Hollywood scripts including "Back to the Future" there are good ideas here, but they need time and subsequent drafts to grow and be expanded upon to go from good to great. This goes for the characters many of them are only operating at a fraction of their personality that you'll see in later drafts. With that, I thank you for coming and reading my blog post. If you read the script, I hope you had as much fun reading it as I did writing it. Just be excited that with every new draft everything gets better: story, characters, etc. 

"All I Want"

Introduction

This is an episode all about vices. You'll notice that I like to name my Twilight Zone episodes after common phrases like "Where Is Everybody?" and "Monster in the Closet". "All I Want" is no exception. We've all said this to ourselves or in conversation with others. "All I Want is a nice car..." or "All I Want is a better job..." We want these things because we believe it will make our lives better if he had these things. If you had that nice car or a better job your life will finally be complete. Don't lie, we've all been there and that includes me. That was the germ of the idea behind this episode.

Premise

The premise behind this episode was talking about the common phrase "All I Want..." and applying that to the most common thing people want... a partner. "All I Want is a girlfriend." then became the premise. I thought to myself if this is going to be a Twilight Zone episode. There needs to be an element of science fiction or the supernatural here. In the news, I had read an article about oddly enough sex robots. These uncanny valley-looking things were no more than just a fleshlight that talks to you. I just laughed it off. This won't catch on. But, then I thought what of it does? I then came across a post on Quora mentioning the state these sex robots were in now and in the future perhaps they may become so advanced that they look so human you wouldn't be able to tell. That got the gears turning in my head.

Thus, I made the twist-ending be that the girlfriend is in reality a sex robot. A machine. An object to be used and thrown away. Being the only female character in the entire episode, I believe this is saying a lot. I got the idea of John's (the protagonist) apartment being described as a cupboard came from "Crime and Punishment" where Fyodor Dostoevsky describes Raskolnikov's apartment as a cupboard. 

Synopsis

John Adam is a down-on-his-luck loser looking for a girlfriend he tells this to a Therapist who proclaims that John knows nothing about women. He's pressured by his Father after his Mother's recent passing to get his life together. Burdened by the guilt, John turns to visit the Life Corporation which specializes in finding mates for losers like John. But, it requires a hefty sum of money. Thus, John works day and night to get the money and upon handing the cash to the Manager is greeted by Joan. The woman of his dreams. Over the next few months, being with Joan improves his life. Better job. Better apartment. But, things don't last for long as Joan falls ill and has to be taken back to Life and eventually dies in John's arms. The illusion is broken when the Manager reveals that Joan was a machine the whole. John finally discards her and searches for something real. 

Teleplay

The link for reading the PDF of my writer's draft is below:

https://drive.google.com/file/d/1c4tj4DXQOIyjSTYdLGnVbvGuLPkmAcpi/view?usp=sharing

The link for reading the PDF of the revision of my writer's draft is below:

https://drive.google.com/file/d/1-kr8W8G4wn8JtukMSZEe39vjhBLzijGT/view?usp=sharing

Playlist

The link for this episode's Spotify playlist is below:

https://open.spotify.com/playlist/65zHjTWKOMtKL01Kt10T3d

Conclusion

Thank you for reading my blog post. If you did read my teleplay, I hope you had as much fun reading it as I did writing it. Feel free to leave your thoughts below.

"Monster in the Closet"

Introduction

This is another "Twilight Zone" teleplay, this time original. This episode focuses again on loneliness and isolation (a common theme in my writing) but instead on how such things stem from childhood trauma. Much like Kafka's "The Metamorphosis" this episode is semi-autobiographical such as the protagonist's age and character traits bear many similarities to my own. Unfortunately, I had been suffering the effects of childhood trauma for most of my life now and writing this episode was my way to deal with all the pain and sorrow.

Premise

As mentioned before, I wrote this episode as a way to deal with my own childhood trauma, but the beauty of The Twilight Zone is that it deals with universal themes and that is why I believe the original series is still relevant after almost 60 years. Plus, there were grim episodes and sometimes episodes that were rather touching. My favourite episode from the original series is "Walking Distance" where an ad executive from New York named Martin Sloan walks back to his home and inadvertently walks back into time meeting his parents and his 11-year old self. It's a fondly remembered and touching episode with an amazing score by the legendary Bernard Herrmann.

I became fascinated with the idea of inadvertently meeting my younger self. Would we be friends? Since we're the same person, suffering all the pain I would want to help him. Tell him that even though it seems dark ahead, there will be a light at the end of the tunnel. I would become almost like an older brother to my younger self. Oddly enough, I am an older brother in real life.

That's what inspired the relationship between Anna and her younger self. Anna grew up without any brothers and sisters and thus through taking care of the 9-year-old Anna, she becomes like the older sister she never had. Going back to how the original Twilight Zone is still relevant for having universal themes, I hope the ending is seen as such. It's about finally getting the help we all need. For Anna, it's about her childhood trauma. A viewer might see it as coming out of the closet and another might see it as seeking help with a mental illness.

Logline

A broken school teacher wants to overcome her childhood trauma after she inexplicably finds her younger self hiding in the closet. 

Synopsis

After twenty years of suppressing her emotions regarding a traumatic childhood experience, Anna Farrows finds her nine-year-old self hiding in the closet. She takes it upon herself to care for her younger self and figure out a way to get the little girl home, all the while coming face-to-face with the true monster in the closet. 

Teleplay

Below is a link to view the PDF of my original Writer's Draft for this episode:

https://drive.google.com/file/d/1ekcHBOpLsaIZ5PcaKZcW2sUn2qb8-_8T/view?usp=sharing

Below is a link to the PDF of my improved revision of my Writer's Draft:

https://drive.google.com/file/d/1aidHf1VbVjiVj7Wfb5uHCi5cPOxVs4qe/view?usp=sharing

Playlist

I made yet another Spotify playlist for this episode, the link is below:

https://open.spotify.com/playlist/2XhAFcwQeU5x9LO2r1jbNO

Conclusion 

Thank you for reading my blog post. If you did read my teleplay, I hope you had as much fun reading it as I did writing it. Feel free to leave your thoughts below.

"Where Is Everybody?"

The Twilight Zone

The original Twilight Zone premiered on October 2nd, 1959 with the episode "Where Is Everybody?" It starred Earl Holliman as an amnesiac who wanders into what seems like a deserted town. He begins to feel as he's being watched as he notices things going that suggest that there once were people or people are still around. It's one of my favourite episodes, but it's no classic by any means. I'll include some screenshots of the episode below.

(Property of CBS)

Remake

The teleplay I wrote is a remake of the original episode, but it begs the question: Why did I want to want to remake this episode? As I said before it's one of my favourites, but's it's no classic by any means. I saw it as a good episode that could be remade into something great, that and the themes of isolation and loneliness are universal themes. With all good remakes they changed certain aspects from the original to do 2 things:

1. Not just do the same thing again
2. There were certain aspects that could be further expanded upon

Now, I will go through what I changed when I wrote this remake compared to the original.

• The protagonist no longer has amnesia. He knows he's Mike Ferris, a Pilot in the US Air Force from the beginning of the episode.
• Mike's Flight Suit now has patches made to resemble an actual Air Force Flight Suit.
• Mike is coming to his hometown (named Oakwood just like the original) for a family reunion.
• Mike watches the 1964 Vincent Price film "The Last Man on Earth" rather than finding a book titled "The Last Man on Earth"
• I changed the twist ending to involve the supernatural as I thought the ending of the original episode was rather dated and didn't have a connection to science fiction or the supernatural like most Twilight Zone endings

I've noticed with the recent trailer that most episodes have references to the original episodes sprinkled throughout such as the same gremlin appearing on the beach in "Nightmare at 30, 000 Feet" and the Mystic Seer appearing in "Replay". Jordan Peele's appearance in that episode is very similar to Rod Serling's in "Nick of Time". 

(Property of CBS)

In keeping with this theme, I'll list off the references I put in my remake that call back to the original "Where Is Everybody?"

• The Giant Eye in the window of the Optometrist's shop.
• The opening narration "The place is here, the time is now...."
• Mike's dialogue during his nervous breakdown is lifted right from the original.
• I want Mike's Grandfather to be played by Earl Holliman, who through his dialogue is implied to be Mike Ferris from the original episode.

The original episode has the premise of "How would someone react to be isolation and loneliness?" vs the remake has the premise of "How do isolation and loneliness affect somebody?" "What would it does to them?"

Logline

An air force pilot wants to end his loneliness after finding himself in his deserted hometown where his isolation takes it toll.

Synopsis

After coming to his hometown of Oakwood for a family reunion, Mike Ferris finds himself alone despite the signs of humanity that once was or is still there. He then decides to find out whether he is truly alone or not, all the while his isolation takes a toll on him physically, mentally, and emotionally. 

Teleplay

I have included a link below to the PDF version of my original writer's draft:

https://drive.google.com/file/d/1OUUOuAQtEMvOsF7nCfMjI8SuVgoFyraq/view?usp=sharing

Here is a second link to the PDF of the revision of my writer's draft:

https://drive.google.com/file/d/1enMaJowHIaf89PoRXm8M4411RgpZ2Qq_/view?usp=sharing

Playlist

I also created a playlist in Spotify. I included songs that tie back to the themes and scenes in the episode and the link is below. I made this playlist so that people could listen to it after reading my teleplay and see how the lyrics tie back to the episode, or they could listen while reading and the playlist enhances the mood of the episode. 

https://open.spotify.com/playlist/1UNo9vj8bOhnjq6Vhwbmgq

Conclusion 

Thank you for reading my blog post. If you did read my teleplay, I hope you had as much fun reading it as I did writing it. Feel free to leave your thoughts below.

Introduction: My History as a Screenwriter

Introduction

Even though I chose a career in Building Automation and am currently in my final semester at George Brown College, I enjoy creative writing in my free time. More specifically screenwriting. When I was in Grade 6, my father had gotten me a book titled "Filmmaking for Teens" because I wanted to be a filmmaker. The book served as a bible for anybody who wanted to make a short film for the first time. They even had a chapter on screenwriting which of course included an excerpt from an actual script. This kind of blew me away at the time since a screenplay looks so much different than a book.

Anyway, skip forward to High School around late Grade 10 and early Grade 11 where online I found the 1st draft of "Back to the Future" and read it. Interesting read, go check it out. So, I wrote "Paradox" which basically was a BTTF clone but it teaches me how to format a screenplay at the very least. This script is lost to the sands of time because I actually hand wrote it. From High School to College I wrote more screenplays this time in Microsoft Word such as "Day and Night" which was again lost to the sands of time since my USB was infected with a virus. I also wrote two drafts of "The Mask" which was intended to make a film version of "The Mask" more in line with its violent comic book origins. I'll write another blog about that. Now, in College I believe I have really progressed as a writer thanks to learning from my past mistakes, using Word's screenplay template, as well as, online guides such as "Story Sense" and "Screenwriters for Hire" for formatting and pacing.

Here are links to Story Sense and Screenwriters below. My next blog will be about a Teleplay I wrote titled "Where Is Everybody?"

https://www.storysense.com/

https://screenwritersforhire.com/

Conclusion

Thank you for reading my blog post.  Feel free to leave your thoughts below.